So being married has made me realize that I don’t always handle conflict and confrontation well. I wish I handled it better, but when my spouse and I fight things can get pretty heated. It’s that we have two different styles. I like to get right into things and say exactly what I’m feeling. They like to wait and process their thoughts before getting into anything. This has made things hard on the both of us, but we are learning how to handle it better. There are ways to make things better with our fights and we are figuring it out now.
The first thing we do is take a moment before the fight starts. This is when I ask myself the question “Is talking about this going to make the situation any better right now or is it just going to make me feel better?” This is a really important question that I started to ask and it has made me a better spouse. If I think that it is only going to make me feel better, then I don’t bother bringing it up. I wait it out and let things cool. I go on Canada 411 and look for a new restaurant to occupy my time.
My spouse does their part too. For me, it’s nice to know when something is amiss. I feel often like they are mad but won’t tell me. I tell them always when I am upset. They don’t like to do that but they are getting much better at communicating their thoughts and feelings to me. It means a lot to me when they take the time to tell me. We are not great with conflict, but we love each other and we are working to get better and it gets a little better every day.